I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
