Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
