Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
