He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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