a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
