he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
