I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
