i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
