walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
