I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
