i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just want nice things and good sex
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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