my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
