I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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