He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
