So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
