It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
