Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
