just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
