so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
