i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
