I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
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It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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