i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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