Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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