this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
