I heard we made out
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
