so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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