I bet he comes in French.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
