Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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