For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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