i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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