Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
