Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
