So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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