Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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