I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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