You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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