Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
