i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
