God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
