Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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