I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
