dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
