my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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