my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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