all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
