quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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