Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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