I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize