My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
