i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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