i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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