the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
