i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
