Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
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