Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
