Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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