peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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