Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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