peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
