Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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