how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
