I cockslap morals
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
