so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I cannot find my penis.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
