sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
