Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
