Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
