so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
