I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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