she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
