Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
