I bet he comes in French.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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