I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
