My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
