So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
