Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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