Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I currently don't understand fingers.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
