The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
