oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How naked do you want me to be?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
