Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
