I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
