So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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