Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
