Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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